WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Small penises have feelings too.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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