i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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