I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
