Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
