did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
