i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
