Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
