I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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