She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
