I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
