this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
