I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
