totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
