So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
