There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
