I think i peed on brittanys purse
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm way too hungover for life right now
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
