there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
