He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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