2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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