I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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