I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
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