I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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