11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
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