I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
worst night to have a conscience
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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