if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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