he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
