woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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