I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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