I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
