I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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