I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
