the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
