My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
