we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize