Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
