She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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