No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You can't motorboat a personality
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
