oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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