God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
