ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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