i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
