Your face is a jimmy john
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
