If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
