he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
