I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
