The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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