i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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