its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize