we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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