mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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