in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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