I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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