I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
