I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I got inside last night via doggy door
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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