Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize