No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
