Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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