Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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