Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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