My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
