They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
