Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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