Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
