I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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